Julie Bowen Talks Modern Family

(upbeat music) Please welcome, Julie Bowen. (crowd cheering) Hi, wait a minute. What? Wait. What? No. I don’t do them anymore. No. Nope, you do them for us. Shoe cam, shoe cam. I was told, I was told to bring the noise on the shoes. (gently strumming harp) Look. (crowd cheering) Look. No, no, no. I know and I was expecting you then to have some sort of elaborate thing. Well last time we saw each other, I didn’t have lymphoedema. Now I have it and relegate out. Do you know what that is? My sister’s a doctor so I know that it means something swelling in the lymph nodes. Yes! Ankles, the lymph node thing. Who took Latin? But my Nike’s are working. You know what? It is all working out. I love your outfit. Thank you. It’s so cute. (audience applause) I hope it’s not see through. It is. It is? (laughs) Black bra, I see. But it’s a chic black bra. You look great. Thank you. First of all, I love your show. Thank you. Love it. (audience cheers) And I’m going to tell you something, Julie Bowen. I love your show so much that I see it every single day. You and Seinfeld, those are the two sitcoms there, and Judge Judy. From your mouth to God’s ears, we run as much as Seinfeld ’cause I have three kids to put through school. I know and they’re young! They are, at 10, 10 and 12. But not to, there they are. Look at how cute my people are. I made them. (audience laughs) The twins and… So you’ve been virtually pregnant the whole time you’ve been doing Modern Family. I was pregnant with the twins at the very beginning of Modern family, on the pilot. God they’re cute. I haven’t seen them in 10 days. Like I wanna hug the monitor right now. Look at them. Although the one to the left, he’s 12, starting to smell a little. (audience laughs) Love you all. It’s okay. I love you dude, but man. It’s okay ’cause this the last season, so you’ll have plenty of time to explain stuff. Explain stuff, maybe go over the shower procedure again. Yeah. Yeah. Nuts, pits, butts, that’s it. (audience laughs and applauds) I can say that, can I say that? Although you do have to go in order, pits, nuts, butts. (laughs) Okay. So it’s the season finale, I am mourning already. I started mourning. I started the very beginning of the season, day one, I was sobbing and I was like, this is gonna be the whole season, that was, at this photo shoot. I’m smiling there but I was not smiling. I was crying and crying, and since then, I just shoved it down. I turned on my German, my inner German and just shoved it down. Are you taking anything from the set? Oh my God, I thought you meant are you taking any prescription medication. (laughs) No, well? Well it’s a valid question, we’ll talk after. (audience laughs) We’ll chat later. Am I taking anything from the set? Like a chair from the living room, a stool from the kitchen. You know, there is some art work that is not like fancy, but it reminds me so much of it. There’s some ugly plates that are hanging on the wall in the Dunphy house that I’ve always hated and now I wanna take one. I wanna take one of those damn ugly plates. It’s so wild ’cause like, for me, there’s always a family in a sitcom or a drama that I’m bored from. The one that, okay, I don’t care about this storyline, I’m going to go – That’s me, right? No! Oh! All three of your story lines. But here’s how I judge what episodes I’m watching ’cause I watch them in the repeats, they’re back to back here in New York. I look at Manny and that’s how I know that, ooh, this a real old episode ’cause you and Sophia and Ed and them, you all don’t age. Well look at this, right there I’m pregnant with the twins and Nolan’s head is my baby blocker ’cause I was pregnant from you know like all the way… Yeah, and Nolan too, but mainly that Manny. When I see Manny and he’s like a grown man, I’m like oh my gosh this is… wow. Look at him there. So now, what are you going to do for money, I mean, other than residuals? Which residuals are good, but you’re still a young woman. What am I gonna do for money? You’re 49 now, right? Yeah, what should I do for money? Do you have any ideas? I’m going to produce and do some directing. I’m a real, I’m a saver. I like a bargain, I don’t shop. Okay, okay. So, I mean like this is all rental. Right, so you’re living under your means. Thank you, never touch the principle, she understands. Yes I do, I get it, I get it, I get it. (crowd claps) Yeah, so I’m a big saver ’cause I don’t like that feeling of desperation waiting on the phone to ring like, ‘somebody hire me’ Right. Right, I don’t like that. So what are you going to produce? Are you going to do…? I’m going to try and produce a comedy for ABC about female friendship. And then I’m going to try and produce some other stuff that I’m not allowed to talk about. Yeah. Because it’s like all hush hush. Yeah. But hopefully they’ll sell it. And I don’t know, I’m going to maybe try and make boys smell better, that’s my goal. It is a goal of mine. That’s a very good job. I know. So you and Sophia have always been pitted against each other it seems. The other actors and actresses on the show too, like when the Emmy’s come up. I know. Modern Family is always part of the conversation but it’s always the two of you who gets it. Now, you’ve won two. I know. I can only imagine that this is a friendly competition. (audience applauds) Which outfit do you like better there? You know, by the way- You look like Tara Reed and I mean that in a good way in the one with the black dress. Yeah, you know what, I do in a good way. I get what you’re saying. I’m just like, wow man, my arms are banging. They were really – but that was a little while ago. I haven’t had a chance to work out quite like that. It is a friendly – it is friendly, but as she would probably say, “yes, you have two statues but I have a big bank account” (laughing) and I’m like, I would take her bank account or sell her a statue. Do you keep the statues out in the open at your house? I have a cool house where it’s like mid-century and it all slides. Like one room can turn into three with these sliding doors. Yeah. So it’s kinda behind these two sliding doors and it opens up and there they are. I know, they’re very – they’re there. So now, Julie is divorced. Yeah. How long have you been divorced? It’s a good question, I’m not sure. Is that crazy? Because it’s not like in the movies. You don’t get a thing in the mail that goes ‘decree of divorce’ and you put it on the refrigerator and go… I would. For a while and stare at it. You know but I thought that you got it and then you signed it with a feather pen. I got mine already ready, it’s a purple plume! I’ve seen your purple plume. You saw it back there? I saw it. That’s what I want to sign with. But I thought you had this moment. It was like either you and your lawyer or you and this piece of paper, no. It doesn’t work like that. Its like, it doesn’t work like that. All of a sudden, I was talking to my ex, we’re still really good friends and I was talking to him and I said, “but we’re not even divorced.” And he said, he goes, “Uh, yeah we are. “Remember the (says random letters and numbers) you signed?” And I was like “That was it?” That was it. That was it? Yeah. That was just another piece of paper. I wanted like, like a diploma. Has it been years though? It’s been two, two years -ish. Have you been dating? I’ve been set up but I chicken out. I can’t do it. I have one friend that set me up like four times with the same guy and I keep – this poor guy. I mean, at this point, he just thinks I’m insane. I’m like, I-I, at first it was excuses and now it’s just a can’t. It’s just a simple spaghetti dinner. Really? Or something. Is it? Is it? Is it? Well. Wendy. Well, that’s why you arrive with your own way to pay and your own car outside. I know, but at the same time, I don’t know. I just feel like it becomes a big thing and look, people know who you are. Some people know who I am, not quite like you. They know who you are. And then you go out to dinner and then it’s like a thing, right? No! Like ooh, are they banging? ‘Cause I come back here and I say, “Oh, look at what Page Six reported. “Well, let me tell you something, we only had spaghetti.” So you just tell your truth. Yeah! That’s the great thing about, you know… Having your own talk show. Yeah. Do you think I need a talk show? Is that what you’re saying, Wendy? Well you’re a really good talker. You’re a really good talker. What you’re saying is… okay, all right. A mom podcast or something like that. I’m tired of being a mom. I mean I love being a mom, I love it. That’s the thing. But like do you want that to be your identity in the world? Like I’d like to reclaim this situation for something other than mom-ing for a little while. Yeah while you’re – ’cause you’re kids are that tender age so you really are mom first. Full-time. Which is why, you know I guess dating for you is different from dating for me. Right. Because my kid is 19 and out of the house so I got a whole new life. Right, right and you probably – And your kid probably helps you get dressed for a date. Well my – he loves when I wear my panty-shorts and my tied-up T-shirt. My God. Oh yes, oh he’s very, yes. My kids get so mortified. Does he ever give you like, “Mom, stop, Mom.” He’s not embarrassed by you at all? No, he got embarrassed because I post a lot about my cats. I got two cats so now he stereotyped me as the cat lady. He’s like, “Mom, stop posting.” like what are you talking about, cat lady? That is sort of a man repellent, isn’t it, cats? Doesn’t it just state like, I don’t… Isn’t that like code for “I’m good”? I don’t, I don’t… You know what, I never really thought about it that way only because my cats don’t define me as the cat lady. Like I can go out and zip it and zoo it and then – yeah. Zip it and zoo it? Yeah zip it and zoo it, that’s when you’re dancing hard. Oh girl, I did not know it’s called zip and zoo. Zip it and zoo it, zip it and zoo it. I don’t know have quite this situation. I know, they’re fake, but you know what? I’m gonna just sit with you for the rest of my life. I want to be you, you’re like brave and bold and just say it. You say all of it. No, they’re fake, I got them in 1994. They’re really – Big. Magnificent. Yeah I know but big was – this was before butts. Big was beautiful. Big was beautiful. Breast before butts. Right. So are you going to do your butt now? No I’m not doing anything because I don’t want a lymphoedema – like forget it. Oh. You know, what if I hit a lymph node, then all of a sudden I get in the artery – like I’m paranoid, no. You’re right, you’re right, you’re right. Are you scared of plastic surgery and all that at all? Now I am, I mean I’ve gotten everything done. I did, I tried one time with the – I got someone to Botox my upper lip. And what happened? And then it was like, I couldn’t talk, like… (Julie mimics unpronounced speech) and then you try and drink. And you’re spilling stuff on your lap? I couldn’t, I was like, this is ridiculous. Do you do Botox anywhere here? No, like… (impersonates gears shifting) No, I gotta tell you something. You look every bit of early thirties. Every bit of early thirties. You really do. (crowd claps) So now here’s where we start to argue. Okay. I have never nor will I ever get a flu shot. What’s wrong with you? Why? Go ahead. Why? Do you like the flu? I’ve never gotten the flu. Okay but is it – You’ve never gotten the flu, all right. But if you got the flu, what would you do, just wondering? Call the staff and say I’m home for a few days, run those repeat shows. Okay, but it’s not a few days, it’s like – It could be a long time, you’ve got the fever, you can’t get out of bed. Who’s gonna zip it and flip it or whatever it was? (audience claps) Well I’d have to take care of myself. And then you would zip it and zoo it? Okay so you get the flu shot? I get the flu shot. I’m big into all of that because I think that it’s – I think you shouldn’t be spreading the flu around to all your friends and family. You love these people, they shouldn’t get it. I wouldn’t go around people. But if you get it, if you have the fever, Wendy, it’s so easy. You have a fever, you can even just feel with your little hand. “Oh I have a fever.” You go to your doctor and you’re like – they have these pills out, it’s one treatment, one treatment. And then you could come back to work. Are you trying to use the flu to not come back to work? No I love being here. Okay then, you go to your doctor. Okay. And you say, “I don’t want to be sick, I have the flu.” You got the fever, you got the chills, you got the cough. They give you one treatment, one, one. Because guess what? I don’t want to take more than one pill. Who wants to take a lot of pills? No one. If you get the flu shot though, then that prevents you from getting the flu. No, not 100 percent. Okay, talk to me. It’s really good, it’s really good and it’s like – But they have to predict it. It’s like all this science-y science. I mean honestly I have social channels, its Julie Bowen, that explains some of this stuff. But I ain’t no doctor, I know I’m cute but I’m not a doctor. Well I know you graduated from Brown. I did graduate from Brown. And your sister is a doctor. My sister is a doctor, it’s almost like being a doctor. And you’re having Thanksgiving in Connecticut with your family, I heard? I know, how wasp-y are we? No, look, family is family. Happy holidays, Julie Bowen. Thank you and you too. I’m going to miss you on Modern Family. I’m going to come and hug you. Please come back and promote your next thing. Modern Family, my show everybody, airs Wednesday nights at nine on ABC. (upbeat music)